


Christmas Delivery

by Daegaer



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Archangels, Christmas, Christmas Cards, Christmas Decorations, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 19:35:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21783976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daegaer/pseuds/Daegaer
Summary: Heaven's offices get some seasonal post.
Comments: 51
Kudos: 102





	Christmas Delivery

Uriel walked, calmly and with perfect posture, through the immense and gleamingly white designated seminar and pop-up leadership workshop spaces of Heaven until finally, _finally_ a more enclosed corridor hoved into view and the calm walk was replaced with something that could be more properly categorized as a fast, purposeful trot.

Raguel looked up in surprise as the door to his office was flung open after the barest hint of a knock, and Uriel rushed in. He quickly pulled the last century's spreadsheets of criminals-righteously-punished over the well-thumbed copy of the _Year's Best Pulp Detective Stories_ he'd been reading. 

"Uriel!" 

"Did you get one?" 

"Did I –" 

__"Oh, come on, I _need_ to see it. Did. He. Send. You. One?"_ _

__"Oh, all right." Raguel smiled weakly and waved a gold-spattered hand at the windowsill. The view from the window normally showed several magnificent courthouses. The view was currently obscured by a large folded piece of cardboard printed in bright colours._ _

__Uriel outright hooted with laughter at the picture of a shining-visaged angel dressed in alarmingly pink and gold robes apparently yelling into a shocked young woman's face._ _

__"At least the artist got his normal volume right."_ _

__Raguel sniggered, then adopted a po-faced expression, much like the angel on the card._ _

__"I'm sure the human painter-Johnny was very sincere," he said._ _

"Oh, _please_. It's the fashionable hairstyle that caught the Archangel Clotheshorse's eye." 

"Can you imagine him in that shade of pink?" Raguel said. " _Nooo, it clashes with my beautiful eyyyyes_. Where was yours sent from?" 

"Australia. Just _look_ at it –" 

__"Ooh," Raguel said. "What's going on there? It looks like he's helping her search for a contact lens. Did they have them back then?"_ _

"It's getting worse; it's a compulsion at this point – he's got to stop," Uriel said. " _Every_ year – I mean, it's bad enough he send them through the human post so he can get the Christmas stamps, but the way he checks that everyone has them out on display –" 

"I just wish the humans were as obsessed with painting _me_ ," Raguel sighed, taking his card back and examining it carefully. "To be honest, I'd be sending out millions of cards as well." 

"You know what this is? All this sending out of images of the Annunciation at Christmas?" Uriel said, brandishing the card bearing the image of _The Archangel Gabriel helping the Virgin find the Lost Contact Lens of Nazareth_. "It's _insecurity_." 

"What? Who? _Gabriel?_ " Raguel scoffed. "I'm sorry, have you met him?" 

"Oh, I'm right. We only get the one card a year each and you know why. You and me, we don't have the amount of fan art he does, but you know who does, and who he'll really try to impress. These pictures are bad enough – let's see what he sent to _Michael_." Uriel pulled a mobile phone out and gave it a meaningful look. It obediently rang Michael's mobile. 

" _Yes?_ " 

__"Michael, it's Uriel. Has the post arrived yet?"_ _

__The sigh was perfectly audible._ _

" _Yes._ " 

"How bad is it this year?" 

" _It's never_ bad _, Uriel. It's just – a difference in artistic taste._ " 

"We're coming over!" Uriel hung up and looked avidly at Raguel. "How bad do you think?" 

__"Glitter," he said at once. "Glitter everywhere. Sickly good wishes written in sparkly, fruit scented markers. Maybe some stickers."_ _

__"Hmmm. The markers sound more like Sandalphon. I bet you're right about the glitter, though. Come on, before Michael shreds it."_ _

They hurried to Michael's office, finding her hard at work on end-of-year reports. She looked up sardonically as they came in, and opened a desk drawer, withdrawing a large, green envelope that was _covered_ in shiny stickers, Christmas stamps from various countries and seemed to have been sprayed with a healthy dose of artificial fir-tree scent. 

__"Insecure," Uriel said to Raguel, who nodded sadly._ _

__"It is a kind thought from a colleague and our dear brother," Michael said, holding the envelope tantalizingly out of reach._ _

__"So it's bad?"_ _

__"Gob-smackingly awful."_ _

She held the envelope out and they grabbed it eagerly. Raguel let out a low whistle at the card he pulled out. There _was_ glitter, on each letter proclaiming a _Peaceful and Happy Christmas_. There was glitter on the rays of heavenly light. There was glitter all over the office floor. 

__All three archangels looked at the image of Gabriel descending from Heaven, robes fluttering back in the ethereal winds, his silver wings spread majestically behind him as a ray of light illuminated the suitably awe-struck young woman goggling at his magnificence._ _

__"Wow," Uriel said, grabbing it from Raguel._ _

__"That's – quite something," Raguel agreed, peering closer at the artfully tousled hair._ _

__"You haven't even opened it yet," Michael said blandly._ _

Uriel looked at her, suspecting a horrible trap, and carefully opened it, holding it at arm's length lest glitter explode out. A small stream of shiny particles did indeed shower down onto the floor, as the tinny strains of _Walking in the Air_ started up. Uriel gasped in delighted horror, and slammed it shut. Silence. Open again. Music. 

"Oh, _Michael_. You definitely win this year, and I haven't even seen everybody else's yet." 

__"I'll probably get another couple before the actual day," Michael said. "There's so much art, it must be quite difficult for him to choose."_ _

__"He's just still sulking that you have an entire university term named after you," Raguel said._ _

__"I'm not so sure," Michael said. "I mentioned that to him once and he just said too much education was bad for people, it gives them funny ideas. Then he commiserated with me about having my name associated with institutions of too much free thought."_ _

__"He's definitely sulking," Uriel said._ _

__The door opened without anyone knocking and Gabriel came in, trying to look casual as he glanced around. Sandalphon followed, carrying a large stack of brightly-printed boxes of cards._ _

__"Oh, good, it came!" Gabriel said, as his eyes fixed on the card in Uriel's hands. "Merry anniversary of an extremely successful informational campaign, guys! You two got yours?"_ _

__"Yes," Raguel said._ _

__"Yes," Uriel said, "Just like always."_ _

__"Excellent – hey, I haven't missed the deadline for international post to make it by the big day, have I?"_ _

__"I don't think so," Michael said. "Not even if you use the mortal postal service."_ _

__"Great! I'm thinking of doing a mass mailing to Hell this year – rub their noses in it, you know?"_ _

__"Why not?" Michael said. "I'm sure they won't be expecting it."_ _

__"Come on, Sandalphon, you can lick the stamps."_ _

__"It’s the most wonderful time of the year," Sandalphon informed them all with a wide smile as he followed Gabriel out._ _

__"Let's maintain the dignity of our office," Michael said, as sternly as she could whilst gesturing at the door which hastily swung closed behind them. "At least until they're down the corridor."_ _

__Uriel opened the card again, in the hopes that the music might help disguise their laughter._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Raguel's card:   
> Fra Angelico's _The Archangel Gabriel Delivers a Peptalk Unto the Virgin_
> 
> Uriel's Card:   
> Botticelli's _The Archangel Gabriel helping the Virgin find the Lost Contact Lens of Nazareth_
> 
> Michael's card:   
> Veronese's _The Archangel Gabriel Walking in the Air_


End file.
